How NOT To Bribe A Panamanian Police Officer

HKW — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 07:36:39 +0000

Panama’s been getting more and more interesting.

Just the other day, I almost got arrested by 2 police officers.

Here’s the whole story, and what I learned from it.

Background

It was late at night. The local supermarket was open for 24 hours. I was bored. So I made a trip.

The roads were entirely empty. I felt pretty safe. But just as I turned a corner, a police van drove by very slow on the other side of the road. I noticed there was a cage on the back of the van. I felt amused, and wanted to take a photo.

But before I could, they rolled down the window, and started shouting at me in Spanish.

The van stopped. Crap. It was only me and then on this street in the middle of the night. I looked at them. They looked at me, and gestured me over.

My 2 Options

I figured I had one of 2 options:

1. Run as fast as I could, and hope they don’t shoot me in the back. (The probability was probably 50/50, depending on how often they practiced on the shooting range vs scamming tourists)

2. Go over and say hello. What’s the worse that could happen? Hey, maybe I’ll even learn some Spanish.

I went with the latter option.

Corrupt Cops

As I approached the van in the dim moonlight, I could see they were in police uniform, in what looked like an authentic van. Okay, should be safe, I said to myself.

But as I got closer, I could see the hungry look of the 2 cops inside. They way they looked around, with their eyes darting.. something was off.

In my very limited experience with police officers and CSI Miami, these 2 looked like what would be coined ‘Dirty Cops’.

That’s when I recall rule number 1 in situations like this:

1. Act Like A Dumb Happy Tourist

The first cop asked for my passport.

Pretended I didn’t know what he was asking for.

He asked for it again.

So I handed him my US driving license.

The truth is, I didn’t have my passport on me.

Oh man, this is turning into Prison Break, I thought to myself.

Fortunately, Cop #2 nodded. Phew. But Cop #1 stared at me. The other cop now said something about ‘dineros’.

Doesn’t that mean money? Are they asking me for a direct bribe?

I do recall reading on Tripadvisor that police officers get paid pretty poorly and often have side hobbies like this. It’s rare, but happens. All you have to do was to tip them off with a $5 or $10 note.

But herein lies the problem…

I only had 3 dollars on me.

‘Lo Siento!’ I said. ‘Solo Tres Dollares!’

They looked at each other, probably thinking damn, what a waste of time. These chinos so stingy! I thought I was going to get away with it, when the first cop pointed at the cup of water I had in my hand.

He grabbed it, and sniffed it.

‘Alcohol?’ he asked.

No you idiot. It’s water.

‘Agua Freya,’ I said.

He sniffed it again.

I figured I had to act fast, because in about 10 seconds they’d probably pull out their breathalyzer.

Then again, their damn breathalyzer was probably out of batteries.

Seeing that my options are running thin and my patience was running out, I took approach number 2:

2. Act Like A Chinese Triad Mafia

Panama happened to have a population that is 10% chinese. I happen to look like one of them. It also happened that my apartment was in the ‘Chinatown’ of Panama.

Perfect.

I told them that ‘mi chino amigos’ were just around the corner. I completely made that up. I figured if I told them I had chinese friends around the corner it would at least put them off a bit.

It worked. They looked at each other, and scanned me up and down, and looked confused about what they should do.

So I stuck out my hand for a handshake.

The first cop fell for it, and shook my hand, and handed back my ID, albeit somewhat hesitantly.

I ran away.

Lesson Learned

1. Minimize going out at night. Alone…. In the dark.

2. Police van stopping you with dodgy looking cops? RUN!

3. Carry more than $3. Just in case.

4. Make friends with the local triads

5. Believe in pattern interruptions. Believe. (thanks Tony Robbins)

Ok bedtime. Pura la vida!

Hong Kong Wong » bribe police panama

How NOT To Bribe A Panamanian Police Officer

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